Training Complete

So our training is complete.  I can properly handle sterilized equipment, sufficiently wash my hands, and hook up any one any time any where to a sterile tube.  

All things I'm pretty sure I could have gotten through life without knowing.

The training included meetings with a nutritionist and a social worker.

No particularly funny information to share about the nutritionist.  She gave me a list of foods Erik needs to eat.  Complete with little boxes next to the items to check it off in the grocery store.  I have a crush on her.

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter S.  For social worker.

Now, before I offend anyone I will say this…The social worker was a very kind and genuinely nice person.  I am well aware that she provides a very valuable service, and is a much needed professional for those navigating through this changing lifestyle, and some people probably really need her assistance.  That being said, this blog is not about other people.  It's about me (oh, and Erik) and so naturally I am not without commentary about our social worker interrogation.

I will start by saying that I think we passed.  We were deemed sane  and functional.  I'm pretty sure we got an A in the "can care for selves" category as well as in the "knows how to read" column.  I say this first so you don't start worrying when you read about our meeting.

She started by asking us in a very sweet slow talking voice that one would use in a mental facility how we are dealing with the stress of this situation, and what we do for stress relief in general.  While Erik was responding in a courteous adult like manner all I could think was "uh, so I got a facial yesterday and that was the complete opposite of stressful and the last thing that stressed me out was my chipped nail that was easily remedied by a salon that graciously accommodates last minute appointments."  I just smiled and nodded like I agreed with whatever Erik was saying.  

Is this stressful?  I don't know.  Do I have a choice?  No.  So we do what we have to do.  I think I have had brief moments of stress, which is pretty much all I allow myself to have.  The biggest stress factor so far?  I had to buy a piece of furniture for my room that will house the dialysis machine and has little cubby holes with cute wicker baskets for supplies.  That was not the stressful part.  I had some stress when it was in place and I realized that the color of the wood wasn't the exact color of my dresser as I had thought.  I had a momentary pity party, I pulled myself together, and I moved on.  I'm resilient like that.  Plus, my mama taught me how to obsessively dim the lights so it sort of passes as matching.  I kept this dramatic stress story to myself though because, well, the whole avoiding the 72 hour hold plan was in place.

She asked us how we were dealing with the wealth and volumes of information being thrown at us.  Erik was probably giving a nice answer but I was checking Facebook so I'm not sure what he said.  All I could think of to say was that I read it just fine.  And the packets were organized and had a designated cubby in the aforementioned off color piece of furniture.

Then she asked the best question ever.  The one that has plagued my husband for 25 years.  

"How do you deal with situations where you have no control."  

Ummmm, what?  Is there such a thing?  I immediately emailed this to my boss because, you know, I like to keep him entertained.  I'm pretty sure he is still waiting for my answer.

When she glared at me with judgy little eyes I felt compelled to play along.  I told her I was treating it like a project and acting like it was not my life.  I can organize a project like nobody's business. And enjoy it.  I have action plans and check lists.  If it's on a To Do list it gets done with no time for reflection or breakdowns.  Some may call it denial.  I call it survival.  Erik gave me the "I don't think I can sign you out if they admit you" look.

I remember a question about guilt.  She wanted to make sure that I don't feel guilty if Erik - who is an adult with his full mental faculties in tact - chooses to deviate from his intake guidelines.  Do people really need to have someone counsel them through guilt here?  I assured her I wasn't a codependent type but what I really wanted to say was look lady, I have 3 kids and 2 dogs that need me to feed them and do things for them and find their shoes and I'm pretty sure I can absolve myself of any guilt associated with an extra cup of water Erik may or may not consume on any given day.  

This went on and on.  And on.

I decided not to be annoyed.  Instead I decided to be grateful that I found this annoying.  Clearly there are people in a different situation who will benefit from the social worker and I just sort of counted it as a blessing that I was not one of them.

Tomorrow is the big delivery day.  50 boxes of stuff.  I'm not stressing about the chaos associated with people who have dirty shoes carrying an abundance of crap to my second floor.  Instead I am excited about the organizational opportunity that this presents.  

Erik will continue some hands on training this week and will be cut loose starting on Monday.  9 hours a day (overnight) 7 days a week.  My training is officially done.  Market Street I will not miss my early morning visits with you nor your drivers that fail to use turn signals while simultaneously displaying their inability to drive in an established well marked lane.

Since really this blog is about, or should be about, Erik I will tell you this:  He is doing very well.  The amount of fluid this poor guy had built up in his system is mind blowing.  I think he is up to a 35 pound overall fluid loss.  His color is better.  He is making sarcastic comments and his comebacks are back to virtually instantaneous so I know he is feeling better.  He needs more protein, and less phosphates.  That's it for my labs analysis.  I'm sure he is overwhelmed with the information he has to process and the new routine he is facing, but he just doesn't complain.  

Some people have asked about work - Erik is still working and there is no reason to think that he can't work up to and after his transplant.  We are very lucky in this regard.  We both work at home for fabulous companies and with truly wonderful human beings.  Erik can do his job from any location, and pretty much any time.  His main clients are in Asia and Europe, so they are available for emails late at night.  He has been able to complete some work at night, after his treatments, over the last few weeks.  Starting next week he can work in the day like normal.  I am able to cut back on my work travel until we get comfortable with our new normal (and I can mentally deal with being gone overnight).  I don't currently have any out of state trips planned for the summer.

Sometimes I can be serious so I want to say this:  We heard many sad stories during our sentence in the dialysis clinic - people who can't work, or who lose their jobs because of their dialysis schedule; families with insufficient insurance and high deductibles, or no insurance at all; families who are struggling to survive financially while the sole income earner can't work; elderly patients with no family who don't have a home treatment option because they can't care for themselves; people who can't be listed for transplant for a variety of reasons; patients with a hot mess list of issues above and beyond dialysis treatments.  

I figure if the worst thing I have to complain about is furniture that isn't a perfect match or that I need to use a different grocery list then really I have nothing to complain about at all.  If Erik can't work in the yard we can hire someone who can, and we have 2 capable sweet and willing boys that help before they are even asked.  Nick was picking up dog poop on his first day home from college for summer break and he didn't complain once.  If I can't keep up with the house I increase the frequency of the house cleaner.  I also have children who know that I will throw away new shoes if they are left in the middle of the floor.  If we have to be at the clinic or hospital all day I take my puppy to day care.  If my kids need a ride or a parent substitute they jump in and help each other and Stephanie is always willing to help with Jack or the dogs.  I have friends that I can call who will give Jack a ride without a second thought, or come over and drink wine on short notice.  

When I remind myself of all of this I think what really is there to stress out about.  I can come up with a huge list of things that could be worse.  I think we have already been through the worst part.  Now we just live with it until we get a call for transplant.  This is probably the response I should have given to the social worker.

Tomorrow night we are attending the dialysis patient appreciation dinner.  I am practicing some breathing techniques to keep from laughing and plan to focus on commentary and factual occurrences that I can share here.  I am not going to practice not rolling my eyes.  I don't like to set unrealistic expectations for myself.